Farmer Turnbull’s barnyard animals: Mutton, the border protection Collie.

Farmer Turnbull had inherited a number of animals when he took over the farm. Coal-fired the flatulent draught horse, Floppy the negatively geared rabbit, Buttercup the diesel rebate cow, Mince the Poodle, Clarence, the Carbon Tax goose and Mojo the rabid budget mongrel. Priscilla the paid maternity leave show pony Had met an untimely end earlier and wound up as pet food and Mojo saw which way the wind was blowing and moved overseas.

Many people had hoped that Farmer Turnbull, classical scholar prone to pretentious quotations would clean out the Augean Stables stables but it was not to be.

“Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose,” muttered Mince the Poodle but not loud enough to be heard.

With the departure of Mojo, some changes had to be made. Scottie, the Scottish terrier took over and Mutton the border collie was given responsibility for keeping the perimeter safe. His major qualification for this role was his ability to run and bark, at the same time and tirelessly.

Many of the neighbours complained about the noise he made but Farmer Turnbull was unmoved. The more time Mutton spent running round barking, the less time he had for visiting ex-farmer Abbott and involving himself and general bum sniffing.

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